I've always known I'm the kind of person who enjoys control of situations in my life. You may say that is normal. Mine borderlines on neurotic. I like things to have order. This may apply to many things such as how my clothes in my closet are arranged, making all the bills in my wallet face the same direction, what order to run errands, etc. You get the idea. I'm not a huge fan of surprises and I can honestly say that I can count on one hand the number of times I've been surprised on purpose and found it pleasant.
This leads me to question why I want so much control. Ask any one of my friends, and they will each tell you that I'm a horrible passenger in a car, especially in the front. I've yet to be in a wreck where I am the driver, but have been in more than several where I was the passenger in the front seat. This causes me varying levels of anxiety depending on who the driver is. I simply prefer to be in control of the car. Oddly, I have no anxiety when flying. I also took a cruise and felt no anxiety over the control of the ship. Perhaps it is because I have no knowledge of how to operate either of them.
Lately, and I use that term loosely since it applies to the past several years at this point, I feel as though I am not in control of as many things as I used to be. I do not like this. It makes me question myself, my decisions, my judgment and even my capability to trust. I do not know how to resolve this yet, but I have been thinking on this more often. In the past, I was always very sure of my decisions, and the resulting consequences, whether good or bad. I'd like to get back to that place. Perhaps then I would feel more in control.
This leads me to question why I want so much control. Ask any one of my friends, and they will each tell you that I'm a horrible passenger in a car, especially in the front. I've yet to be in a wreck where I am the driver, but have been in more than several where I was the passenger in the front seat. This causes me varying levels of anxiety depending on who the driver is. I simply prefer to be in control of the car. Oddly, I have no anxiety when flying. I also took a cruise and felt no anxiety over the control of the ship. Perhaps it is because I have no knowledge of how to operate either of them.
Lately, and I use that term loosely since it applies to the past several years at this point, I feel as though I am not in control of as many things as I used to be. I do not like this. It makes me question myself, my decisions, my judgment and even my capability to trust. I do not know how to resolve this yet, but I have been thinking on this more often. In the past, I was always very sure of my decisions, and the resulting consequences, whether good or bad. I'd like to get back to that place. Perhaps then I would feel more in control.
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