"Act like a lady." How many times do we hear this phrase throughout our lives? If you're me, then you've probably heard it too many times to count. Books and even male opinions on how we are supposed to accomplish this feat are everywhere and I can't help but wonder - when did we forget how? With so many self-help books, magazines, articles, blogs, and even family and friends' opinions; how do we decide exactly how a lady is supposed to act? More importantly, do these outside opinions reflect who we truly are; or are they simply a guideline we've been trying to follow, while denying ourselves the right to behave exactly as we should? Are we simply supposed to be passengers in this ride we call life? I say it's time to be the driver!
First and foremost, I'm a believer in behaving exactly as one wants. I understand there are extremes to shy away from, however; I am not one to sit back and observe for long without comment. Men constantly tell me they wish more women would speak their minds and my response to them is always the same: Sometimes you don't want to know what we're thinking. I seem to lack the filter each individual is supposed to have between their brain and mouth. This applies to typing as well, so for those of you who read this; keep that in mind.
I'm not saying listening and observing don't have their place. What I am saying is most women cannot understand why their family, friends, significant others, etc. don't know what they want. The honest truth and somewhat harsh reality is we are at fault. We think we tell others the truth about what we want or need, when what we really do is simply hint and hope we won't have to bare our souls to receive it. I say this to any woman who does this - STOP NOW. We cannot hope to have our needs met and wants fulfilled if we are not clear about what we need or want in the first place.
Think about the last time you needed or wanted something important from someone close to you. How did you ask for it? Did you ask for it? If you didn't ask, why not? As women, we tend to put ourselves last in the grand scheme. Our spouses, children, families, and friends come first. Our need to ensure everyone around us is taken care of overshadows our need to take care of ourselves. When is the last time you saw a doctor for a routine check up? How about the dentist, gynocologist, or optometrist? When is the last time you let your spouse or children miss one of these appointments? My guess is your calendar is marked for those occasions and you rearrange your entire day to make sure the appointment is kept. If you're over 30, have you ever had your cholesterol checked? How about your blood sugar? If you're over 40, have you had a mammogram? Over 50 - a colonoscopy? If these are things you've been neglecting in your life, now is the time to put yourself first for a few moments.
I attended a "Go Red for Women" seminar in my hometown earlier this year and the guest speaker was phenomenal. Her name is JoAnne Owens-Nauslar, Ed.D (AKA Dr. Jo) and she is perhaps the most energetic, positive, unapologetically in-your-face advocate for women's health I've ever had the opportunity to meet. She has two catch phrases that I will not forget - "Secure your own mask first!" and "If your horse is dead, dismount." The first of these is one women struggle with on a daily basis. Dr. Jo said she got the idea of using this as a workshop for women because it made so much sense. In an airplane, the flight attendants tell you in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, secure your own mask first, then help someone near you. In our everyday lives, women forget this concept. We make sure everyone around us is healthy, happy, and safe before working on ourselves. The second phrase is something we forget often. As women, we tend to have the same routine, same lifestyle, same clothing, even the same foods on a daily basis. I've learned that if these things aren't working for you - change them...or in other words - dismount! If your routine is making you tired or you feel it isn't allowing you any down time - change one thing about it and see if it helps. If your lifestyle is beyond your means, find places to trim so you can do the little things you enjoy. If your children have received an entire wardrobe change two or three times over and you're still wearing clothes from college - buy a new shirt! I know this economy makes penny-pinching even more important, but we deny ourselves regardless of our income.
By now you're wondering, who is this person and why on earth should I listen to her? I only speak from experience. I am not a mother, though I've felt like one for years. I am no longer a spouse, but do want to be married again someday. I'm currently finishing my degree after spending years taking care of others and making sure everyone around me was happy. Fear also played a large part in why I've waited so long to "start my life". Since I've overcome some of those fears and applied several of these practices in my life, I want to share my experiences with others. If only one life is affected by it, then I'll be happy. If many more are, I'll be ecstatic.
First and foremost, I'm a believer in behaving exactly as one wants. I understand there are extremes to shy away from, however; I am not one to sit back and observe for long without comment. Men constantly tell me they wish more women would speak their minds and my response to them is always the same: Sometimes you don't want to know what we're thinking. I seem to lack the filter each individual is supposed to have between their brain and mouth. This applies to typing as well, so for those of you who read this; keep that in mind.
I'm not saying listening and observing don't have their place. What I am saying is most women cannot understand why their family, friends, significant others, etc. don't know what they want. The honest truth and somewhat harsh reality is we are at fault. We think we tell others the truth about what we want or need, when what we really do is simply hint and hope we won't have to bare our souls to receive it. I say this to any woman who does this - STOP NOW. We cannot hope to have our needs met and wants fulfilled if we are not clear about what we need or want in the first place.
Think about the last time you needed or wanted something important from someone close to you. How did you ask for it? Did you ask for it? If you didn't ask, why not? As women, we tend to put ourselves last in the grand scheme. Our spouses, children, families, and friends come first. Our need to ensure everyone around us is taken care of overshadows our need to take care of ourselves. When is the last time you saw a doctor for a routine check up? How about the dentist, gynocologist, or optometrist? When is the last time you let your spouse or children miss one of these appointments? My guess is your calendar is marked for those occasions and you rearrange your entire day to make sure the appointment is kept. If you're over 30, have you ever had your cholesterol checked? How about your blood sugar? If you're over 40, have you had a mammogram? Over 50 - a colonoscopy? If these are things you've been neglecting in your life, now is the time to put yourself first for a few moments.
I attended a "Go Red for Women" seminar in my hometown earlier this year and the guest speaker was phenomenal. Her name is JoAnne Owens-Nauslar, Ed.D (AKA Dr. Jo) and she is perhaps the most energetic, positive, unapologetically in-your-face advocate for women's health I've ever had the opportunity to meet. She has two catch phrases that I will not forget - "Secure your own mask first!" and "If your horse is dead, dismount." The first of these is one women struggle with on a daily basis. Dr. Jo said she got the idea of using this as a workshop for women because it made so much sense. In an airplane, the flight attendants tell you in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, secure your own mask first, then help someone near you. In our everyday lives, women forget this concept. We make sure everyone around us is healthy, happy, and safe before working on ourselves. The second phrase is something we forget often. As women, we tend to have the same routine, same lifestyle, same clothing, even the same foods on a daily basis. I've learned that if these things aren't working for you - change them...or in other words - dismount! If your routine is making you tired or you feel it isn't allowing you any down time - change one thing about it and see if it helps. If your lifestyle is beyond your means, find places to trim so you can do the little things you enjoy. If your children have received an entire wardrobe change two or three times over and you're still wearing clothes from college - buy a new shirt! I know this economy makes penny-pinching even more important, but we deny ourselves regardless of our income.
By now you're wondering, who is this person and why on earth should I listen to her? I only speak from experience. I am not a mother, though I've felt like one for years. I am no longer a spouse, but do want to be married again someday. I'm currently finishing my degree after spending years taking care of others and making sure everyone around me was happy. Fear also played a large part in why I've waited so long to "start my life". Since I've overcome some of those fears and applied several of these practices in my life, I want to share my experiences with others. If only one life is affected by it, then I'll be happy. If many more are, I'll be ecstatic.
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